My Life is Not My Own

With it being Valentine's week, I've been thinking a lot about love.

Since having a baby, I cannot sleep when I want to.

I cannot eat when I want to.

I cannot come and go when I want to.

I always looked at those things and thought: how demanding, how awful, how time consuming.

Your life is literally not your own.  You're at the mercy of a temperamental bundle.

And then I had one.

And I realized I was only half right.

I may not 'get' to do everything on my time table, or on my to-do list, but...

This love is not my own.  I could have never made such a perfect and consuming love.  This love could only be put in my heart by God. 

This love that has taken over my heart has changed me, made me such a better person.

My life isn't my own, and I wouldn't want it to be.  I always want to share it with my little man.

I was only half living, living for myself.

Who knew that by 'sacrificing' and not 'thinking of yourself' that you would gain so much more??

My heart has grown and enlarged in ways I could not have guessed.

These tears are my own, that often brim when I stare at my perfect guy.

He is my own.  And I can't believe I get to have such a wonderful gift to myself.

This is truly being selfish.  Having such a wonderful present that I get to keep forever.  And I'm OK with it.