Well--it's almost 4 in the morning, so you can guess what this post will be about: SLEEP! Or, the lack thereof. So I hope this is coherent :) It's about all I can think about. It's like I crave it and am addicted because it's constantly on my brain and I'm always asking myself 'how can I get more sleep??'.
While some of you may say that Carter is too young (7 weeks in a few days) to be sleeping through the night, Babywise, and other moms have lead me to believe that he should be able to, if not close to. I realize it could still be a little while, and that's OK. It's par for the course, but...I want to make sure I'm on track/doing good habits to get me there. So, I have a few questions, because I feel like Babywise isn't specific and I'm a details kind of gal. Please note I'm open to any advice even if it's not Babywise--that's just the only book I've had time to read :)
Questions:
How do you get them to sleep? I try to put him down around 10 p.m. I know that may be late, but Babywise lead me to believe that you can put them on your schedule. Since Claudy works late, I'd like him to be able to see Carter when he gets home and I'm more of a late nighter--sleep in late type, so I was hoping to get Carter on this schedule. However, it seems like I try putting him down at 10 and he'll only sleep about 10-15 minutes before waking and crying. I go in, soothe him (sometimes picking him up, or putting the binky back in, or tickling his face) and put him back down. This goes on until about midnight. He seems to only really fall asleep at this self directed bed time. Too late!
How does he just all of the sudden not wake to eat? I have always on demand fed him at night, so as not to encourage him to wake while he should be sleeping. But, like clockwork he always wakes for a feeding around 3 a.m. I know it must be hunger because he takes a full feeding from each breast (right??). How is he just all of the sudden (while growing leaps and bounds) not going to want to do this? Will he just stop one night and be OK without it? This doesn't make sense to me. He then again, like clockwork wakes at 7ish to eat and then pretty much won't go back down. I've also heard that until they're a certain weight (I've heard differing amounts from 12-15 pounds) that technically they need to be eating at night and aren't hefty enough to go that long without a feeding. I've also heard it can affect your milk supply if they don't eat at night??
How do I get him to nap/how long should he be napping for? He is the most alert and wide awake baby I've met. I do the eat-activity and then instead of following it up with sleep it's stay-awake mode! If he naps, it's only for about 10-15 minutes. He just loves being awake and starring at the world around him. Which stinks for me since everyone says 'nap when they nap'. So basically I only get a nap if I'm at my moms--which is about twice a week.
Things he does well according to Babywise:
He goes back down well after his 3 a.m. feeding--so technically he sleeps from about 12-7 with just one waking/feeding period. I can't figure out why he goes down well for this and not any other time, but am grateful! He may still be stirring/grunting but he at least doesn't cry and eventually falls asleep on his own.
He always does a full feeding and doesn't snack. During the day we're on a good 3 hour schedule where he always drains both breasts.
He is good at staying awake after a feeding for an activity play time. He sometimes drifts off towards the end of the feeding but I can always wake him up.
He's been in his own crib since about 3 weeks.
I'll rock him or hold him until his eyes are drooping, but I am always sure to lay him down while he's still slightly awake so that he can learn to drift off on his own.
That's about it (but I am grateful for them)!
Any advice would be appreciated. Especially, because Claudy has been diagnosed with severe narcolepsy. I've been meaning to post about this, but not sure where to start since it's a long story. However, with Claudy being in school again and working it's important he get sleep. No matter how I try to be quiet, and swoop in and grab Carter before he makes too much noise it always wakes Claudy. Carter needs to start sleeping through the night really for Claudy's sake (and I wouldn't mind either!)
Thanks all! Your comments are always appreciated :)
13 comments:
Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child will answer all of your questions (and more!) :) That book saved me with Daisy and I've done it with my other two. I've recommended to many moms who end up loving it. If I were a pediatrician I'd hand that book out at my office!!! http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
I do know that formula takes longer for the baby to digest than breast milk does. Soooo, so you could start using fomula JUST for the before bedtime feeding, that way they won't get hungry as quickly {delaying/phasing out that three AM feeding}. Plus, he learns how to take a bottle in case of an emergency where you weren't able to feed him. This doesn't help the midnight thing, but it can phase him out of the three AM feeding.
With Aubrey she was growing so she ate more during the day so this led to sleeping longer at night. Also one night I didn't want to get up and feed her because I was so tired so I put her binkie back in, 3 hours later she woke up. So since then we built up by feeding a little more during the day and not getting her up when she cries. I am by no means an expert, that just worked for us. Plus remember he is your baby and he may not be the same as the ones in the books
First of all, I agree with Lynette, your baby might just be different than all those book babies so don't be too worried. But, as a fellow details sort of gal I'll answer your questions according to my child, because I know that helps sometimes to hear what someone else did.
We were strict about an 8 o clock bedtime from the beginning. This is our detailed night routine starting around 7- nurse the baby til he's full, put him in a bath (we'd warm up his towel in the dryer and warm up the lotion next to a heater so it was a very pleasant and calming experience for him), after the bath I'd sing to him and rock him a little and then we'd top him off with a little more milk. After each feeding during the day I would pump and then we'd save the 2 or 3 oz that I pumped throughout the day to feed him right before bed from a bottle. Then I'd swaddle him tight and put him in his bed. If he woke up and was crying I wouldn't feed him unless it had been at least 3 hours (that's how long he'd go during the day) so I'd just give the binkie to him or reswaddle or something. I never talked to him or turned lights on after 8pm until about 7 or 8 am. I also tried to feed him more during the day.
Mine never stopped getting up suddenly. It was little by little. At first he'd get up and 1 and 4 every night. Then it would slowly adjust to 1:30 and 5, then 2 and 6, then 2:30 and 7 and so on. Some weeks he'd improve by an hour or 2, other times it would take 2-3 weeks to improve by 3 minutes. There would be those blessed nights where he'd sleep from 8-4 and we'd have a party. (fyi, we tried putting him to bed later and it made things worse, he'd sleep less and be more cranky and difficult during the day). Don't worry about your milk supply, it all happens gradually and your body is incredible at making little adjustments each day.
Napping- that was never a struggle for me since mine was always ready for a nap after about 20-30 minutes of "play." We couldn't keep him awake! He is still taking 2-3 hour naps each day and he's 4, which I'm finding out is pretty rare. I think Healthy Sleep habits says that if they get more sleep at night then they nap better during the day, so maybe your little guy is sleep deprived....I have no idea.
Good luck! Pray a lot. That might help. Go with your instincts because you know your baby better than anyone. :)
Hey girl. I was JUST like you for the first few months because I also read babywise and believed every word because it made so much sense. However, every baby is different and there is no "one size fits all" approach. I have a couple links and babycenter and facebook sleep groups tha I am a member of. Im at work right now but when I get home and put Lae down for her nap I will send you invites and links along with a nice long email. :) first things first though, you HAVE to stop stressing. Easier said than done I know, but I only makes it worse...I know :) I'll talk to you soon.
I agree with reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy
Child. I loved that book! One of the things it stressed the most was to have routine. I tried this with Chloe and it worked amazingly well. Every night I would bathe her, read to her, nurse her and rock her until she was almost asleep. Once I started the routine, she was able to understand that it was the nighttime and that it was okay to sleep longer. As far as feeding him, a newborn's stomach is the size of a marble so I'd imagine Carter's isn't too much bigger than that, so if he is telling you he needs to eat, then he probably needs to eat. Especially if he is growing a lot - which usually happens around 6 weeks. You are doing a great job. Please don't think you aren't doing something right just because he won't sleep through the night. Every baby is different and only you know what is best for him. Also, look for signs that he is tired: rubbing his eyes, yawning, tired eyes, etc. you want to try to put him down before he gets overly tired or else he will gets too stimulated and have a hard time falling asleep. Babies need a ton of sleep! If my baby doesn't have a long nap during the day, she has a really hard time going to sleep that night. It seems like it would be the opposite but she needs a lot of sleep or else she is too tired to let her body relax and sleep. Also you could try white noise. Sorry you are so tired. I remember that feeling and it is miserable! Remember this too shall pass. :) You are a wonderful momma! Hang in there!
Oh I feel your pain! We were in the same boat with Brycen at the beginning, but he soon started sleeping through the night (at 6 weeks) after we started freaking out about it. We were also one of those who gave the baby a formula bottle right before bed, at least after a month old. That really helped keep his tummy full and sleep better. During the day I made sure to have him out on his play mat and things like that so he could wear himself out for a nap. We've always found with Brycen from the beginning that if he goes to bed too late he's up constantly through the night. Even 9:00 is considered too late at our house with this kid. Where he was getting up so early in the morning he would end up being overly exhausted if he went to bed too late. Especially if he wasn't getting much of a nap during the day. We had Brycen in bed by 8:30 every night, for routine purposes and so he could sleep better. I read Baby Wise and hated it, but only because what they were telling me was not working a bit with Brycen. And sometimes it's hard because the "cry it out" method is something they need, even to cry for just a few minutes to get themselves back to sleep. But it sounds like that's a no go at your house! So like others have said, you know your baby best and can sense what he needs. Listen to your own gut if you feel it necessary!
Meg- your baby sounds like my first baby! he would only sleep for 20 minutes at a time. and we tried EVERYTHING. finally, when he was 10 months old i found the Holy Grail of sleep books, and now, even at 3 years old he consistently takes a good nap and sleeps 12 hours at night.
The book is called The Sleep Easy Solution (http://www.amazon.com/Sleepeasy-Solution-Exhausted-Parents-Getting/dp/0757305601) and (http://www.sleepyplanet.com/).
it is a very fast read, and i recommend that you read the whole thing so that you will have troubleshooting knowledge at your disposal, but here is the gist of it:
up until 4 months, babies have a very random sleep schedule. there are some things you can do to help with sleep during the first 4 months, but they recommend waiting until 4 months to start sleep training. the give an excellent explanation in the book as to why. but until 4 months these things help A LOT! swaddle when its time for sleep! offer a binki, have some white noise in the background ( i bought a sound machine at wal mart for $15- it has 5 different sound settings and volume control, the best $15 ive ever spent). and motion- infants find comfort in motion. both of my kids would spend lots of their naps and part of nighttime sleeping in a swing set on slow. nothing wrong with this! as long as they are reclined enough so that they can breathe well, its a life saver!
so when its time for a nap, or if bed time isnt working out, i would swaddle him, give him a binki, turn the white noise onto a comfortable volume, and then let him lie in the swing.
at 4 months tho, the magic begins! you can officially sleep train him for naps and nighttime.
start with bed time the first night. its EXTREMELY helpful to establish a routine for bed time. our routine is this: bathtime, jammies, story, song/prayer, bed. for your babe tho, a bath and a feeding would prolly work well. (again, have some white noise on, and make sure that the room is dark and not too hot. having the right environment for sleeping will help the process go a lot smoother.) then, you lie him in his bed, and leave. if he is crying, wait 5 minutes before going in to do a 'check'. at 5 minutes, go in and check up on him. during checks, you dont pick him up or touch him. make sure he can see you, and in your most loving voice, say "mommy loves you carter. i know its frustrating to learn how to sleep, but youre doing a good job. im here. i love you." and then leave. stay no longer than 30 seconds. if he continues to cry, go back in 10 minutes later. do a check. then go in 15 minutes later, do a check. if he is still crying, go in every 20 minutes after that until he falls alseep.
it was honestly the hardest thing i ever did with my first. it broke my heart to listen to him cry. but the first night was the hardest, and it took him about 3 or 4 days until he was sleeping on his own.
email me if you would like the specifics on how to work feedings into the sleep learning etc. the book is very comprehensive and very very helpful, and im sure ive forgotten a few details. but this has worked for us with both kids! sleep is so important for all of you- for carter so he can grow, for claudy so he can function, and for you so you can stay sane!! hang in there dude!! its totally possible to get your babe sleeping on his own. just takes some hard work at first. its very much worth it tho!!
my email is megan.m.broadhead@gmail.com
let me know if i can help you any further!!
Emma was a sleeping machine, so I don't have any great advice here-- but I did want to tell you that 7 hours is definitely not enough sleep for baby who is so little. To me-- that warrants visiting/speaking with the pediatrician. The feeding time sounds completely normal, but I think he should be grossing AT LEAST 10 hours-- and really it should be around 12(ish).
....that's just my take though. And I had a champ sleeper so I really don't know what the other side is like...
good luck!
i know i always sound bossy in my comments, and this one will probably be no different, but i promise i've done a LOT of research on this and tried a LOT of things. i was blessed with the worst sleeping baby on the planet, so i feel your pain. but i can also promise you that it will get better if you do your research and work hard. so. add my name to the list of people who recommend healthy sleep habits happy child. it changed my life...seriously. and throw babywise in the garbage. i'm sure someone will want to attack me for saying that, but it's been associated with low weight and failure to thrive. it treats babies like animals...or snotty beings who are out to ruin our lives. if he's crying at this age, he needs something...babies at this age are just biology...he's not trying to manipulate you or be difficult...he doesn't know how to do that yet. in a few months, yes, it might be bad habits or whatever. but at his tiny age, his nervous system isn't mature enough to do a lot of the stuff you're expecting of him. yes, some babies sleep a lot when they're tiny, some don't...figure out how he is and what makes everyone happy. don't let that crazy book make you feel bad. seriously. drop it and get healthy sleep habits happy child. i'm sure it's fine for some people, but there are lots of really good reasons (and research) to show that training a newborn to eat/sleep when you want him to and not when he needs to is weird. as for night feeding, yes, one day he will randomly need to eat less. when they're tiny like he is, they feed at night because they're hungry and because it's safe....to check to make sure mom is still there. night feedings keep them sleeping a bit lighter which makes SIDS a lot less likely. so don't be in such a rush to get him to sleep all night if he's not ready. i know it seems like it will never get better and you'll be frustrated and tired forever, but i PROMISE it does get better. he's not even 2 months old...give it a little more time. they change so much and get so much better at everything! also, pray about it. then message me and tell me when you want to take a nap, and i'll come over and hold your baby. and tell you that you're doing a great job!
I agree with Annie.
Also I would not start ANY cry-it-out situation until he is 6 months old at least.
For now you need to put him to bed MUCH earlier. A baby that age needs at least 18 hours of sleep.
The most important sleeping thing I have learned about babies is the more they sleep the better they sleep.
Most babies that age should only be awake for about 2 hours at a time. When they wake up you should play, nurse and put back to sleep. Repeat. My kids go to bed at 8pm and wake up around 8-10am. If I put them down later they wake up at the same time. For a 2mo it should be at least 3-4x a night. If I remember correctly around 4mo they start going to 2x a night. If you nurse, your baby he most likely will continue to wake at night. All of my kids woke up at least 1x a night until at least 9mo.
The formula thing never helped my kids because it gave them upset tummies and made it worse.
Keep in mind he is just a baby, when he cries it is for a reason. Also, take naps when he naps. resist the urge to clean the house.
I have 3 kids now and every child is different. Some kids sleep more than others. For the most part though you can help them to have a better sleep situation by helping their little bodies realize when they are tired. Let me know if you have any questions.
Annie for president!
Amen to Annie!! Mason is 7 months old and still wakes up to eat once at night, but I'm okay with it. Babies come with so many instincts, they are equipped with the ability to know when they are hungry. And nursing doesn't just have to be to satisfy hunger. They need it for comfort and security and development. I am completely anti-Babywise for a lot of reasons, mainly that it makes moms feel guilty when it's not working for their baby. I think any parenting method that makes you think there is something wrong with you or your child is a little bit crazy. When Mason was first born he was nursing for 45 minutes at a time every 1 1/2-2 hours. Babywise would have forced me to make him wait to eat, but we found out that it was because he had a tongue tie and couldn't eat efficiently enough at each feeding. So he was starving, not manipulating me like Babywise says. You worked so hard to breastfeed so don't give him formula now. It will just bother his tummy and how annoying to hassle with bottles. I know what it's like to try and live off only a few hours of sleep, but Heavenly Father gave you this baby and He can make you equal to the task of coping with his needs. We really like The No-Cry Sleep Solution as a guide for us, but I don't really believe in subscribing rigidly to one "method". You are his mom, you know what's best for him and your family. Plus my mom raised 8 children and said that sleeping through the night is a pipe dream. There's always teething, colds, growth spurts, nightmares, etc. I've basically just decided to stop caring about sleep. It's helped me to feel less stressed about it all the time. =)
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