New Mommy Truism #6

The nice thing about mommyhood is that you're not alone.

This hilarious writer, Julia, who I had the pleasure of being in the same freshman ward and floor with describes motherhood with striking precision.

I'll just say she covers it.

While I haven't experienced the vomit yet, I cringe because it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop...I know it will happen.  Not when, but where.

I tip my hat to you Julia.  Tip my hat.

Hurting Myself 256 Times and Counting...

I figure I've fed him (since he's on a three hour schedule) approximately 256 times since he's been born.  That's 256 times of voluntarily hurting myself.  I'm beginning to think I'm crazy.  Isn't the definition of crazy doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?

I am sooo frustrated.  Beyond frustrated.  Remember my little rant about breastfeeding?  Well, here's part II.

I became aware that me and Carter had thrush--which is basically an infection for those who are not familiar.  It's loads of fun.  And by fun I mean excruciating pain.  

We got on an antibiotic--nystatin, both the oral medication for him and a cream for me and him.  We took it faithfully for 7 days.  

It was still hurting.  But, I figured maybe it's my latch since we had done the prescribed 7 days.  Then the holidays happened where I couldn't get a hold of the lactation specialists or my Dr.  I finally got a hold of them today and they think that I still have thrush.  They think the nystatin did not kill it and that I need a stronger antibiotic.

GOODY!  

So basically, breastfeeding has never felt OK.  He's almost 5 weeks old and between the start-up pain and then the thrush we've had for almost 2 weeks I've been in constant pain since he was born.

It hurts when I feed him and then never stops stinging and burning.

This is the cruelest joke known to females.  

I dread every three hours.  It comes sooo fast.  

I just want to feel good.

I'm trying so hard and it just isn't getting any better.

I don't want to get on ANOTHER medication.  I don't even want to go to the store.  I'm sick of trying new things.  That takes energy.  I've even tried a natural remedy--grapefruit seed extract.  I've adjusted my diet--eating lots of yogurt and cutting out dairy and yeast and sugar.  I just want to be lazy and enjoy my holiday and not be in pain anymore.

I'm trying to 'be a good mom' and breastfeed--but I'm bout ready to throw in the towel.  

That or punch a hole in the wall every time I feed.

This just plain sucks.  

I hate thrush--and right now, I'm hating breastfeeding.  I keep telling myself I've got to clear it up anyways, and to keep going to see if it's actually enjoyable once the infection is gone, but I just don't know if I can hang tight until then.

Ridiculous.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to you and yours from the Lavins.

Getting Big: 1 Month

I'm not sure how to count the months--by the actual day (24th) or by weeks (4 weeks)?  I'm so excited my lil man is getting big, that we'll go with 4 weeks for now.

Lil' C is still little!  He still fits into his newborn outfits and size one diapers have to be cinched on.  To my despair and best efforts (literally killing my chest!) he is not gaining a ton of weight.  I always figured I'd have a chub, but perhaps this is still to come...he must have his dad's metabolism.

He still ADORES his hands.  From the first few moments of life he seems to have quite an attachment.  Most of the time they frustrate him because he can't seem to keep them in his mouth.  He also seems to like gouging his face and eyes with them, which I haven't figured out how to stop him from doing.  You would think it'd hurt! He's been able to put them in his mouth since about two weeks which I was pretty impressed!  Since about day 3 we've never been able to swaddle him with his arms by his side.  His hands had to be swaddled up by his face, and at about two weeks he's been strong enough to bust his entire arm out, so now we just swaddle him from the arm pits down.  His little hands are always so cold and wet when I get him in the night from being sucked on.

He's figured out he can move his head back and forth to avoid us using the nose bulb--hence, here comes the first rebellion and shying away from what we want him to do.  It was so much easier when he could only lay there!  He's usually congested at night and always scares mom because he sounds so congested breathing, snorts and has tons of boogers (sorry if that's TMI). We've put a humidifier in his room and used saline nose drops but it only seems to help marginally.  I hope once the air quality in stupid Utah gets better that will help.

We think he's going to be right handed, because that's the one he swings around more.

He seems to really like car rides and sleeps the entire way to and from Grandma's house (about an hour).

He's quite active and alert.  I thought he'd only be a bump on a log--but he loves being awake--especially when there is light to look at.

He can hold his head up for what seems like an eternity.  I heard at a month it'd only be to about a 45 degree angle and for a few seconds, but he'll go forever!

He loves to be swaddled on mom in my wrap--and sometimes that's the only way I dare cook or clean so I don't have to stop every few minutes and console him--because of course once I start something that is when he wakes up!

He's on a pretty good 3 hour schedule during the day.  We're trying to follow the eat, activity and then sleep schedule which he can do most of the time, but that milk sure seems to make him tired.

He also seems to like to sleep when it's time to eat!  Sometimes it takes me an hour to get in a full feeding and I'm exhausted afterwards because I have to sit and tickle and tickle him to wake up.  It's more like swallow, sleep, swallow sleep.  But, almost a sure fire way to wake him is to just set him down.  If he's hungry and gets set down he will scream!  I can't wait until I can just feed him when he seems hungry--because he likes to sleep right when it's been three hours.

He is also our little squeaker.  He makes sooo many squeaking and squawking noises.  He also likes to grunt a lot which is hilarious.  When he does cry--which thankfully only seems to be when he wants to be held or eat, but those are easy remedies--it's more of an angry yell than anything like "how dare you!".  He also seems to always say "GEE!" when he's winding up and makes these big bursts of air.

He makes THE cutest faces when he's sleeping.  He seems to practice all of his facial expressions when he's napping.  He is smiling more and more when he's awake and I just can't get enough.  I was able to catch this on camera, although it doesn't do it justice.  When his eyes are open and he's smiling it melts your heart!

He loves to have his lips pursed when he's starring off.  I have yet to get this on camera, but it's adorable. 

He's gone a few stretches of four hours during the night, and even five hours the last two nights.  I on demand feed him at night, because I don't want to wake him and encourage him to be up at night.  

He's a voracious eater too!  I feel like he just goes and goes!  If we give him a bottle--which we do every once in awhile since we've had thrush and other 'fun' issues, he gulps down 4 ounces.  

He seems to be liking baths more--at least at first.  After a minute or two though, once the cold air has hit him he's ready to be done!

He still HATES getting his diaper changed--has from day one.  It's almost as if when he sees the changing table he gets upset.  Not even putting a binki in works--he is so upset he can't keep it in.  I think it's a mixture of being naked and exposed.  We even got a wipe warmer to see if that would help.  I'm afraid he's just going to have to get used to it.

I've always said he's a good baby--however, the older he gets the more he seems to want to be held, and the last few nights he's had crying fits from about 11pm-1am which he hadn't done before, he was only crying when it was time to eat.  During the night, I used to set an alarm, but he is my alarm.  He's almost on the dot for 3 hour feedings.

His favorite place to sleeps is on his belly on our chest.  We sometimes spoil him and do this when he can't be consoled, but try not to make it a habit and place him back in his crib once he seems sleepy enough.

At first I was anti-binki...but we've given it to him when nothing else works and he seems to be using it more and more and so he is more and more hooked!  The very thing I didn't want to happen.  Ug.  Guess you have to give up some battles and ideals.  You can think all you want when you're reading parenting books, but when the rubber meets the road it's a whole other story.

And this may be too much info (are you still even reading this blogosphere?) but because this is the only thing I've managed to write so far about him and I've yet to purchase a journal for him--I'm going to make it thorough!  I guess becoming a big boy means big poop because he had his first blowout yesterday--which I hear is pretty lucky to have made it a month.

I'm so torn.  I love seeing him get bigger and I just can't wait to see what things stick with his looks (will his hair be curly or straight, will he get any darker, will his eyes stay blue...??) but at the same time I want him to stay little forever.

I so thought infants were boring and always said that I wish they'd come out at the toddler stage.  But it's so true that it's different when it's your own.  I just love loving on him and holding him.  I love that he'll let me cuddle him.

I feel like this month has flown.  I haven't missed work at all (which I wondered if I would) and love being at home with my beautiful little boy!  When he was still in the bassinet, I would roll over and look at him, and then look at Claudy and just love being in the middle of a C &C sandwich.  I feel so content and so blessed to have such amazing boys in my life.

New Mommy Truism #5

You know you're a new mom when all catch yourself singing all of the songs from your child's toys.  I don't think I'll ever get these outta my head! Frère Jacques...Frère Jacques...

Crib vs. Bassinet

Carter slept in his crib the entire night last night.  I was a little sad.  I always talked a big talk (surprising!) that I'd cart Carter off to his crib after a few days of being home.  But...here we are, three and a half weeks later.

I'm torn though.  It's nice to not have him squeaking and making noises so close to us (is this a sign he's going to be talkative like me?).  However, it is also nice to have him so close, so all I have to do is roll over and grab him.

I can't decide what's worse, having his noises keep us up, or having to stumble into his room every time he cries.

Decisions, decisions!

When did all of you start putting your babes in the crib?

New Mommy Truism #4

Babies may be the only ones who don't mind morning breath.  They're quite delighted when you get close no matter the hour, or the stench.  :)

Andes Mint Brownies

So, I haven't been myself since having Carter when it comes to the kitchen.  Normally I'm baking up a storm for the holidays, but I've made myself take a break and just focus on motherhood.  It's hard for me to not fill up my plate (pun intended!) but I think it's been good for me to just focus on the transition and not overwhelm myself.

However, we got invited to a dinner party, and I hate showing up empty handed, plus it was the host's birthday and you should NOT have to make dessert on your birthday.  I wanted to go with something easy and yummy.  Mostly, because I'm still paranoid that he'll cry right when I'm in the middle of cooking or baking.  I know I need to get back to it, because it's part of who I am, and it's a hobby I really enjoy--but I have these worries that he'll need me right when I've touched raw chicken or the timer goes off.  I know they can just cry for a bit, but I'm a first time mom!  So, we've been having easy things like Hamburger Helper. You know...

Anyways, back to this YUMMY recipe.  I normally love mint brownies that have a green, mint frosting--but I didn't want to take the time to make it.  This worked GREAT instead.  I just made a box brownie mix, but you can make it from scratch following the original recipe.  This recipe makes plain brownies burst with some mint action.  All you have to do is grab a bag of Andes Mints, put around 20 on top of the freshly baked brownies and swirl around with a spatula until they're melted.  Also--if you want even more mint flavor, put chopped up Andes mints and throw that in the batter.  These are minty, chewy and delicious.  Great with ice cream or plain. 

If a new mom can make these--you can too!

Andes Mint Brownies Recipe

taken from Lovin' From the Oven 

Ingredients:

• 1 cup butter
• 2 cups sugar (white)
• 4 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 cup all purpose flour
• ½ cup cocoa
• ½ teaspoon salt
• about 1/4 cup (or however much you please, really) of chopped Andes mints (you can buy them already chopped by the chocolate chips in the baking isle)
• An additional package of whole Andes mints (I used about 20--a little less than a bag)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease 9 x 13 pan. Melt butter in saucepan over low heat. Once melted remove from heat and add sugar, vanilla, and eggs. Blend together. In separate bowl, mix together flour, cocoa, and salt. Add dry mixture to the wet and mix well. Add chopped Andes mints. Pour into greased pan and bake for 35-40 minutes.

RIGHT when the brownies come out of the oven, layer the top with the whole package of Andes mints (or however many it takes to cover the surface). Let them stand for a minute or two, until they are smooth enough to spread. Using a frosting spatula or a flat knife, spread the melted Andes mints evenly over the brownie to cover. Cool, cut and enjoy.

To Grandmother's House We Go

Thank goodness for my parents.  People keep asking me how I'm doing and I reply honestly that I feel I'm doing better than expected--in fact, pretty great!  Perhaps it's because I had such low expectations, but I was so worried that I would fall apart being a new mom.  I think a big part to my success is due to the incredible support I've received from friends and family.

Claudy had a GENIUS idea while we were in the hospital; I don't know why we never thought of it during the entire pregnancy.  Claudy commutes quite a bit to work.  However, he works about 15 minutes from my parents house.  I had wondered how much I'd be able to get help from my mom as there is no where for her to stay at our apartment and being basically an hour away didn't make it so I could just run over there or vice versa.

But, if Claudy was already going that way--what was 15 more minutes?  And that way--I wouldn't be alone without help  Either Claudy would be home, or I'd be with my parents.  So, just about any time Claudy works (I'm now weaning myself and trying to only go every other time) I go with Claudy.  It gives us great time to chat as we commute.  Honestly--it's so great to spend so much time with Claudy.  Before, we would only see each other about an hour a day.  Now it's heaven seeing him so much!  Then, I drop him off and finish the drive to my parents.  I feed Carter, and then hand him off.  I don't even have to burp him or change his diaper.  I head straight to bed and my parents love on Carter while I get some shut eye.  My Dad then does my wash while I sleep.  I awake to a delicious meal my mother has made, folded and fresh laundry, I eat, feed Carter and hit the road.  My mom even packs a dinner for Claudy!  Then I pick Claudy up, we enjoy the commute home together and I'm so refreshed!

I only wish Claudy had somewhere to go to nap and rest.  Poor guy is doing finales and working.  No rest for him! 

It's perfect!  Carter gets spoiled, I get some rest, wash and some delicious food.  It's also been soo good for me because it forces me to get dressed and be ready by the afternoon.  It forces me to practice driving with Carter in the car (started when he was four days old--I was WHITE KNUCKLING the steering wheel) and to practice just getting outside of the apartment.  It gives me adult conversation and it's great to spend time with my parents and for Carter to be held and loved by his awesome grandparents.  It's a win-win (at least from my point of view, guess you'd have to ask my parents :)

Basically, it's been wonderful.  I know it's work for my parents, but I sure do appreciate it.  

I have been so spoiled and I recognize it. 

I have such thoughtful, giving parents.  They are good examples of how I can serve Carter.

New Mommy Truism #3

How good your day was is directly proportional to how good your hygeine is.

Not so good day--only brushed my teeth.

OK day--brushed my teeth and brushed my hair.

Good day--brushed my teeth, hair and showered quickly.

Great day--brushed my teeth, hair, took a long shower and was able to shave.

I think the hubs only has to look at me to see if Carter napped or not :)

Breastfeeding is the DEVIL/DIABLO/SATAN

 I think I've decided breastfeeding is worse than labor.  This is continual, non-stop and there is no epidural!  Instead of waterboarding as a form of torture, they should just use breastfeeding.

I understand not everyone will want to read this; but, shortly before I delivered, I read a blog post on breastfeeding challenges and outcomes from a fellow blogger and it totally helped/prepared me. So, I will divulge (not crazy, personal details though) and hope it helps someone else, and perhaps, it will at least let me vent a little.

I know breastfeeding is great for your baby (nothing against those who do formula--totally your choice--no judging here).However, I feel it's kinda hush-hush in our culture.  All I ever really heard about breastfeeding was that you need a good 'latch', it shouldn't hurt if you're doing it 'right' (whatever that means) and that you should do it.  I'm not saying we should do it just out in the open and I want to watch everyone do it--but when you're preggo, they should totally prepare you more.  Or, was I the only one living under a rock?  Did I miss the breast boat somewhere?

I had no idea what it should look like--what a 'latch' was and how hard it would be. Even though I tried to read up on it, I think no drawing can sufficiently prepare you.

The frustrating part for me, was that I knew I would want a lactation consultant from the get-go at the hospital to start off on the right foot.  But, because it was a holiday there was none.  So, I asked the nurses to watch and they told me he was doing great!  

Then, why the toe-curling, excruciating pain?  Feeding that evening and night was NOT fun.

Thankfully a lactation consultant came the next day and even she was frustrated and spent over an hour with us.  His tongue went back (didn't know it needed to go forward) and his mouth needed to be stretched because he didn't open enough, and from doing it wrong all night he had already developed some bad habits.  Lovely.  

After trying everything up the lactation consultant's sleeve, she suggested that I use a nipple shield and even use a bottle to widen his mouth.  We had to use a syringe and pump formula into his mouth while he tried to nurse to make sure that he got enough fluid.  It literally took both me and Claudy to feed him.  But after the lactation consultant left, I felt like I still had tons of questions and wasn't sure what to do next.  She said I had deep bruising and that lanolin cream wouldn't do it, so I needed a prescription grade cream called Newman's ointment.  I'd totally recommend it.  While super helpful, it's a pain because you have to wash it off before you feed, so I haven't been the best at applying it.  But I like it way more than lanolin because it's not so thick and easier to apply.

After a few days of wanting to scream, punch a wall and shout profanities (I did a few times--oops, burning Carter's ears!) every time he nursed, I went to see a lactation consultant again.  I would totally recommend it.  It seems, to our private culture, weird to have a stranger look at your chest while you feed your child--it was totally worth it.  She taught me so much.  Finally--I knew what it should feel like, look like, and how to correct it if he was doing it wrong.  I had been terrified to pull him off before, or touch him once he was on, even if he was on wrong--which was bad, but I didn't know better.  She taught me how to listen to see if he was actually swallowing.  It literally breathed hope into me again and made me feel like I could do it.  She also told me I shouldn't have been using the shield every single time for the entire time--but no one had told me that.  And what a pain to use the shield--it did help, but having to always wash it off and find it when your child is screaming of hunger was not cool.  She also taught me early hunger cues, so I didn't have to wait until he was crying to feed him.  She was a lifesaver.

Then, I had another awesome life raft thrown to me.  This incredibly nice girl in my ward asked me how I was doing at breastfeeding.  How nice to ask!  She came over and brought me her favorite cream, cups, shield...etc. and just listened and answered questions.  It was so nice to not just have people give you a pat on the head for trying, but someone who was like--yeah, it sucks and it hurts and you can do this, and this is my experience, even if it's different from yours.  I thought it was soo thoughtful and nice of her, and the smoothie she brought was a cherry on top.  We girls need to look out for each other!

However, the glitz and glam of the lactation consultant appointment soon wore off when I got cracks, and I was still so sore from doing it wrong for so long.

Seriously?  Who thought of this???

Let's take a sensitive area of the body and use that to feed your child who have a VORACIOUS appetite and suck.  Barracuda. Why can't I feed from my elbow or somewhere more calloused??

And then, when you have an open wound--never let it rest or heal because they have to eat every 3 hours.  That's a great idea, right?

I have seriously dreaded every three hours.  Then, while it's happening the 10ish minutes that I'm doing it I'm just counting down.  

It seems like it never ends.

I always told myself I'd stick it out and do it for the first year, but that just seems like so, impossibly far away.

If you stuck with breastfeeding--how did you do it?  Were you glad you did?

I think I will because I'm stubborn and incredibly cheap.  Formula is soo expensive and we don't have a dishwasher. The few times I've pumped because I couldn't bear another feeding and had to hand wash the bottle made me not want to bottle feed.  

He's 2 and a half weeks old, and I can say I'm finally toughening up--but what a rocky and painful road.  I'm still uber sore, but it's not as intense.

Let's just say that I'm going to educate and teach my younger sister.  Why my mom and other women never explained it to me or prepared me further kinda still frustrates me.  All you hear is--are you breastfeeding?  That's great.  Instead of, how are you doing?  Do you want to cut your breasts off?  Have you tried a shield, Newman's ointment...etc.  

Come on ladies--let's help each other out.

Sometimes I wish I lived in a naked African tribe--that way I'd be more familiar and breastfeeding would be out in the open so I wouldn't have had such a clueless and flailing attempt.

There.  I feel better, at least...emotionally.  The chest area...not so much.

But, if I had to find a silver lining, it would be that I'm 2 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight.  So, thank you breastfeeding for helping me loose weight.  That's about all the credit I can give you.

Image taken from here.

New Mommy Truism #2

No matter how much strategic planning, deep thinking, good intentions, hours of meditation, plotting, check and re-checking your diaper bag, you WILL in fact forget something.  

Completely hypothetical situation: you forget your child's diaper rash cream, and don't remember until you change him and see his poor bum is the color of Rudolph's nose at your husband's work Christmas party.  #fail.

New Mommy Truism #1

These are mostly 'no-duh' to more experienced moms--but I'm starting a little collection of the fun life lessons I'm learning in my new role as a mother.

New Mommy Truism #1: Diapers will always fill up, the minute you've changed them.

Seeing as Carter DESPISES getting his diaper changed (I'm talking he screams bloody murder--I'm pretty sure our neighbors will be calling child protective services because he sounds like we're torturing him) it's the worst sound in the world to finally get him changed, calmed down and then hear a huge, juicy, squirt.  Sigh.

How to Cook the Perfect Turkey

While I have been known to post a recipe or two, this isn't a fowl recipe at all.  In fact, this is the story of how Mr. Carter T. came to be.  For those who want to hear his birth story (I promise I won't give any gory details) read on dear reader, read on.

Warning: as a first time parent, I have a ton of pictures--so I'm just going to sprinkle them throughout the post in no particular order.  They may not fit with the paragraph of text they're next to, but I just have to show them off!!

All along I'd been planning/wrapping my head around the idea of going over due, so I wouldn't be disappointed if it happened.  In fact, at my last appointment my Dr. ever-so-kindly mentioned that only 25% of women go early, and since this was my first not to get my hopes up.  Showed him!  But really, deep down, I was secretly hoping that he'd come on black Friday so that Claudy could be home for the long weekend and not worry about missing school or work.  My wish came true in several ways!  It was just another testament to me that the Lord truly hears our hopes and wishes and is aware of our needs. Let's hope that this also means Carter will be a very obedient child :)

I worked my last day at the office and came home to get started on my Thanksgiving deliverables.  I felt silly telling everyone goodbye, so I just said "See you on Monday" since I planned on going back into work if he hadn't come.  Guess I should have said see you in 12 weeks.  I felt great all day.  When I got home I felt just a little off.  Nothing major or in pain, just off.  As you saw in my last post--I pushed through and made my pies and sweet potatoes.  I didn't feel well, so I thought I'd get up early and do the dishes before we went to my parents for the holiday.  Little did I know the dishes would have to wait.

We went to bed and all seemed normal.  I woke up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom.  Nothing new there.  But wait, I was totally wet--and I had a full bladder.  My mind started spinning.  However, there was no gush, no puddle like everyone describes.  I just sat there and worried and worried. I finally woke Claudy up.  He was all--"Let's go. Let's go to the hospital," and jumped up.  But, I wasn't so sure.  I was so worried that it hadn't really broke and I'd be turned away.  I told Claudy we should give it more time and to go back to bed.  I tried to lay down, but just laid there and cried.  I started thinking of all of the scary things about labor and just couldn't calm down.  I finally went and googled "water breaking" and it did say sometimes it can just come a little at a time.

I called the hospital and they said to come in to make sure.  I looked horrible, so I curled my hair and ate breakfast--just in case I was admitted so I wouldn't be so hungry or nasty looking for photos (which we really didn't take much of me anyways--oh, well!).  We finally went in around 5 a.m.  They did a test to see if there was amniotic fluid and couldn't find any.  I was ticked. It took from 5 a.m.-8 a.m. to figure that out.  Because it was a holiday they were slow and short staffed.  I was SURE I hadn't peed my pants and was sure it was amniotic fluid.  Looking back I think it had leaked a little, but because I waited so long to go in it had dried.  Upset and tired we drove back home.  Anti-climatic! I asked my mom if we could push Thanksgiving dinner back from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. since I would need to go home and sleep (ha--we never even made it!).  I was so embarrassed.  Exactly what I HADN'T wanted to happen.

Claudy decided to go play basketball and I went right back to bed.  I had a feeling he should come home and sleep, but he said he was already awake and wanted to play (he sure wished he had slept later that day!).  I was out!  I slept well until Claudy got home around 10:30 a.m.  My alarm was set for 11 to put the rolls out to rise and just like on the dot, my alarm went off and all of the sudden my water broke just a minute later.  There was NO DENYING that.  Holy cow!  I yelled for Claudy and told him I didn't know how to get up--afraid I'd get it all over. Poor guy--he had just laid down!  I am SO GRATEFUL that he was home though.  One of my fears was that he would be at work--which is a 45 minute commute.  I would have hated to drive myself or be alone at this time.  I waddled to the bathroom and I called the hospital back.  They said get in right away, since you only have 24 hours past your water breaking to have the baby because of the risk of infection.  I yelled for Claudy to make me a pb&j (wanted a little something on my stomach before they enforced the ice chips only rule).  Thankfully we were still all packed from a few hours ago.  We got in the car and drove off.  It was a lot less dramatic the second time around and felt very surreal.  I wasn't having any contractions and felt odd to just mozy into the hospital.  I had always pictured me doubled over in pain and huffing and puffing.

They checked me and sure enough--it had broke (told them!).  They got the IV started (not fun) and they put me on pictocin because I was only at a 3 and wasn't contracting and they wanted to get him started.  I felt so great.  I still can't believe it.  I had always said I would get the epidural ASAP.  They even offered it to me when they started the pictocin, but since I wasn't having contractions I said I'd wait.  I waited about an hour and a half just because I wanted to experience it.  Once they got bad I had had enough.  The anesthesiologist was at home due to the holiday so I had to wait for him to drive in.  Getting the epidural was no joke!  It really burned when he put it in, but the relief was great.  Claudy said it was all he could do to not make a noise or show in his face how grossed out he was during the epidural.  He said the tools he was using and how big the instruments were was freaking him out.  But I had warned him not to, because if he showed it was scary it would set me off. 

While the relief was nice, I did however get really bad shakes due to the epidural.  That was pretty annoying--especially when I was trying to text people! :)  It also made me really, really nauseous.  I felt like I was going to loose my ice chips at any second.  I also get really nauseous if I don't eat--so it was a double wammy.  I kept asking if I could have just one cracker or something to ease the hunger but they would not let up :( I also felt really restless.  It was the oddest feeling--I wanted to move around, but couldn't.  It kinda drove me batty.  I kept asking Claudy if he could bend my legs because it felt like they needed to be, and he would say they already were.  I didn't like feeling like a big lump that couldn't move myself--but I'm sure it was better than the contractions because shortly after I got it, the contractions were off the chart and were very frequent.

After an hour of watching Cake Boss and relaxing I started feeling the contractions again.  I had heard that for some women it doesn't work fully, so I thought that was just my luck.  But then, it started getting worse and worse.  I finally called for the nurse, who got the anesthesiologist.  They realized my pump wasn't working.  Thanks a lot!  Once the medicine was able to continue I felt great. It reminded me that I was glad I had decided to get the epidural!

I could tell the nurse wanted to take it easy due to the holiday (I was the only one in labor in the hospital) and because I was a first timer that there was no need to check me often.  She said she'd be back in two hours and I just kept feeling a lot of pressure. But, of course, you could tell she didn't believe me.

When she came into check me I was afraid I'd only be at a 4 or a 5.  She was clearly shocked when she said I was 100% effaced and at a 9.  She said she'd hurry and call the Dr. (since he was at his Thanksgiving dinner).

She said she usually starts pushing with people while the Dr. comes, but told me not to push because he was so low that she was afraid he would come before the Dr. could get there.  The pressure was really strong, but I tried to just hang tight.  Plus, I was terrified to push, so I was kinda relieved to put it off for as long as possible.

Once the Dr. was there and I was in the stirrups he said he could already see him.  He said my body did almost all of the work and that this would be easy.  I prayed he was right and not just saying that to motivate me.  I kept wanting to shut my legs and be like--I'm not ready!  I was scared of pushing and scared that as soon as this baby came out I'd be a MOM!!  But Claudy held my hand and I figured, well--let's do this!  It was funny because I guess Claudy was holding his breath with me.  The Dr. looked up and was all "Only one of you needs to hold your breath."  I didn't even look at Claudy--I feel bad but I was just so focused.  It was funny to hear everyone cheering me on and be like "just a little bit more--you can do this!"


It's so crazy--like everyone is just so focused, and because the Dr. could see him he kept telling me--"he's almost here!"  It only took fifteen minutes and about five contractions of pushing that he came.  I dont' know how women push longer than that.  It is some serious work!  I couldn't believe how fast it was over with and how painless the whole thing was.  I was honestly planning on like 48 hours of miserable birthing.  Instead I checked in at noon, feeling great and had him by 7:32 p.m.  Couldn't believe my luck.  I can definitely do that again.  I had it built up to be soo much worse in my head.  Granted, I realize some women do not have it that easy and it is really hard work.  I am so grateful my experience was the way it was.

I was terrified because I pictured he'd cry right away.  So when the Dr. said he was out and it was quiet I was like "Why isn't he crying??" worried that he couldn't breathe.  Of course, just a second later he started exercising those large lungs of his!  They set him on my chest and I just starred.  I just couldn't believe I was finally meeting him.  I couldn't speak;  I just sat there and cried.  It was so surreal.  Then they took him a few feet away to clean him up.  I let the nurse hand him to Claudy first and it was just crazy to see Claudy in that instant become a father.  Claudy holding OUR baby.  No words.


Then came a flurry of pictures, calling family members (I feel bad--I had told my parents not to come yet, thinking I'd be pushing for a long time) and just starring at this little guy.  He was so pale, more pale than I had planned on and had the most beautiful head of dark, straight hair.  He wanted his hands up by his face from the moment he came out.  He kept just moving his fingers, feeling his face, or feeling whoever was holding him.  He seemed so alert and just drank in all of his surroundings.

While I missed out on the traditional Thanksgiving meal, this little turkey was totally worth it.  He had no problems, no jaundice and is perfect in every way.  I guess I cooked a good turkey!  So glad I got to meet him five days early.  When it was his due date, I kept thinking--how could I have not have had him by now?  I am so grateful for my beautiful little boy and the joy and great experience this has been so far.  I could just stare at him all day.  I find myself laughing at all of the little faces and cute things he does.  I was so worried I would not like motherhood or be depressed, but I have been blessed to be so content and happy.  I find I could care less what is going on outside the walls of my little apartment because I'm so content with my two boys.  I love my C & C.  Carter and Claudy are my world and I am so blessed.  Truly, this Thanksgiving gave me something to be very grateful for.

And PS--I did not get a piece of my chocolate pecan pie before going into labor.  Did I have Claudy run home to get it for me once Carter was out?  Yes I did.  Did I eat the entire thing?  Yes I did.  Was it good motivation to push hard and get labor over with?  Yes, but only second to seeing my handsome little devil.