I am sooo frustrated. Beyond frustrated. Remember my little rant about breastfeeding? Well, here's part II.
I became aware that me and Carter had thrush--which is basically an infection for those who are not familiar. It's loads of fun. And by fun I mean excruciating pain.
We got on an antibiotic--nystatin, both the oral medication for him and a cream for me and him. We took it faithfully for 7 days.
It was still hurting. But, I figured maybe it's my latch since we had done the prescribed 7 days. Then the holidays happened where I couldn't get a hold of the lactation specialists or my Dr. I finally got a hold of them today and they think that I still have thrush. They think the nystatin did not kill it and that I need a stronger antibiotic.
GOODY!
So basically, breastfeeding has never felt OK. He's almost 5 weeks old and between the start-up pain and then the thrush we've had for almost 2 weeks I've been in constant pain since he was born.
It hurts when I feed him and then never stops stinging and burning.
This is the cruelest joke known to females.
I dread every three hours. It comes sooo fast.
I just want to feel good.
I'm trying so hard and it just isn't getting any better.
I don't want to get on ANOTHER medication. I don't even want to go to the store. I'm sick of trying new things. That takes energy. I've even tried a natural remedy--grapefruit seed extract. I've adjusted my diet--eating lots of yogurt and cutting out dairy and yeast and sugar. I just want to be lazy and enjoy my holiday and not be in pain anymore.
I'm trying to 'be a good mom' and breastfeed--but I'm bout ready to throw in the towel.
That or punch a hole in the wall every time I feed.
This just plain sucks.
I hate thrush--and right now, I'm hating breastfeeding. I keep telling myself I've got to clear it up anyways, and to keep going to see if it's actually enjoyable once the infection is gone, but I just don't know if I can hang tight until then.
Ridiculous.
13 comments:
First thing first missy, breastfeeding has nothing to do with how GOOD a mother you are. So stop beating yourself up. Like right now. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I've been there and I know how very bad it is. But then I got the shield and my life changed. Maybe try it? Or maybe think about switching to pumping? Or formula? You are an amazing mama, regardless of HOW you feed him! I hope things get better. I really really do!
First thing first missy, breastfeeding has nothing to do with how GOOD a mother you are. So stop beating yourself up. Like right now. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I've been there and I know how very bad it is. But then I got the shield and my life changed. Maybe try it? Or maybe think about switching to pumping? Or formula? You are an amazing mama, regardless of HOW you feed him! I hope things get better. I really really do!
and i have no idea why it posted twice. Sorry!
Kendra said it perfectly! I agree with her wholeheartedly! I want to add that if breastfeeding is causing you to resent Carter or feel depressed, it may not be worth it. Be confident in whatever you decide, but make the decision that is best for BOTH of you- not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Good luck!
oh and when I said both of you I mean all 3 of you, cause hubbies are affected a lot too!
Since I'm obviously an expert on breastfeeding, I'll add my two cents. I was bottle fed on formula, as were my 4 siblings. We all turned out okay (I think). You do what's best for you. If that means trucking through and still breastfeeding, then go for it. If it means formula feeding him, then don't you feel bad about that for one second. And if people judge you for your decision either way, I'll punch 'em in the face!
You can do it! You can do it! BF sucks majorly. For me it takes about 6 weeks to not want to punch a hole in the wall. I'd close my eyes and swear there was some monster clawing nails at my nipples and then look down and just see this tiny little innocent baby. I can't feed my babies in public during that time because I cry for a while and make horrid faces each time they latch on. But then, it's the greatest. Do you have a double electric pump? Try a medela pump in style (mucho dinero, but way cheaper than formula) - that's what I used whilst I was working. I pump a lot right at the beginning 20 minutes before I know they'll be hungry I pump a bottle and then give it to them. Alternate every other time or whatever and then eventually nursing will be less sore and then you can phase out the pumping. It's sooooooo good for him AND you, you can do it!
PS a note on pumps, if it's not super expensive it's crap and will do absolutely nothing. I think it's a crime to even sell them. Medela pump in style - hands down. MIne has lasted through all three of my kiddos and and still going strong. It is an investment though.
Hi, I am friends with Alicia. I feel your pain. My babies have small mouths and I am big. It's a bad combination. The pain is more severe than child birth. I have tried everything and the only way I can feed my children my breastmilk is to pump every 3-4 hours daily. And 6-7 hours at night. I pump, put it in bottles in the fridge, warm it with a bottle warmer and my life is now heaven. Its still not as easy as formula. You have to commit to it so you don't lose your milk. It's like being married to your pump. But at least they get your milk. The only kind of pump to buy is Medela double breast pump, especially if you do it full time like I do. Its great, it only takes 10-15 minutes to empty the breasts completely. I did it for a whole year with my first baby and didn't lose my milk because I kept at it. I am now doing it all over again with my second baby. Formula is good too if you can't pump that much each day. I FEEL YOUR PAIN, good luck
I forgot to mention....
the medela pumps are really expensive so its good if you can find a used one. Look on craigslist everyday and look for Medela pump in style Double breastpump. They are $300 to $400 new but most people sell them for $100 used on craigslist. Look for one that isn't too old, like 8 to 10 years or older. They still work perfectly. Mine is 3-5 years old and in perfect condition. You can buy the bottles and tubes yourself so you don't use theirs. My sister in law has one that is 11 or 12 years old and it still works great. They are very good quality. Hope this helps
Has anyone suggested Newman's Ointment? It's for yeast infections (which is what Thrush is). I had an awful yeast infection when I was pumping for Caleb, and it went undiagnosed for about two months. Pumping was the most PAINFUL thing ever. The Newman's Ointment you can put on after every feeding and you don't have to wash it off. It's incredible stuff. And if I remember right, it's pretty cheap. I would definitely look into it, if I were you. It will do more than an oral medication.
You can do it!!!! No, it's not the end of the world if you don't breastfeed your baby. But if it's something that you want to do, I promise you won't regret it. It took until over 2 months for me to be able to breastfeed without pain. But being on the other side of it I can honestly say that even that seems like such a short amount of time to suffer for the reward that it is to breastfeed. I sobbed for hours every night. Austin gave me blessing after blessing to help me cope. I almost gave in a million times. But I am SOOOO glad I didn't. It seems like an eternity right now, but you are so strong and so capable and there's nothing more worth it than your little babe.
my heart is seriously breaking for you! thrush was the most painful thing i experienced as a new mom. it's like daggers...as you know. and the nystatin didn't get rid of it for me either...came back 3 times. i had to take an oral thing to basically kill all yeast in my body. it was the only thing that worked. point is, you can do it! and you're a good mom!
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